Tag: masturbation

How To Have An Orgasm (Solo)

Odd as it may seem to some of us, there are many people in the world who haven’t had an orgasm, but who would like one. They just don’t quite know how to get one. I’ve talked to any number of women who have told me stories about frustrating early experiences trying fruitlessly to masturbate to orgasm as a teenager, as well as women who have had an active sex life for years without ever finding that level of satisfaction. One of these women was a professional sex worker, who’d had at least three digits worth of partners over her life, performing an astounding variety of sexual acts, and she’d never once had an orgasm.

When this woman asked me for advice on how she could take care of things (she was not asking for my assistance; we never had that kind of relationship), it was the most surprising thing I’d heard about anybody’s sex life in some time. I gave her the best advice that I could, which was a less-detailed, less thorough version of what follows.

Start By Being Sexually Aroused

I’m not going to make a blanket claim that orgasms can never happen without a person first being aroused, because that would be false. There are some people who can–and do–spontaneously orgasm from a balloon popping, or from sneezing, or other stimuli that hits that individual in a specific way. It can happen, but if it was the kind of thing that was likely to happen to you, you wouldn’t need to read this post.

For the rest of us, the more aroused we are, the easier it is to climax. If you’re unaroused, or actively turned off, then orgasm will be effectively impossible. If, on the other hand, you’re aroused enough, then anything slightly sexual will set you off. Don’t focus on “having an orgasm,” not to start. Focus on “becoming increasingly aroused.”

If you’re not particularly horny, either wait until you become horny, or try to find some kind of stimulation that will arouse you. Watch porn, think arousing thoughts, or buy and read any or all of my line of erotic stories available on Amazon.com. 😉


Physical sensation is important. As you consume your erotic entertainment, or entertain your own erotic thoughts and fantasies, you should feel yourself becoming more aroused. You should feel tingles in key places of your body. Feel free to touch those places, to remove clothing from them.

I feel that I should make it clear that if you’re reading this in a public place, do NOT actually do these things at this time!
Touch yourself lightly. One mistake that people sometimes make is trying too hard, using too much pressure, and rubbing themselves raw. You don’t want to do that–you want to caress yourself gently, to tease your skin lightly.

Think of what it’s like standing close to somebody who has just the right scent, the right perfume or the right cologne, or even the right natural fragrance. If the scent is too strong, you’ll back away from it. If it’s too faint, you won’t notice it. If it’s just right, then it will be in the middle, just strong enough to make you want to lean in, toward that person, to get more of it.

You want your own touch on your own flesh to be like that. You want it to entice you, to stimulate your senses but to leave them wanting more, not less. Vary your touch, try different locations on your body and see what feels good. Try to arouse, if possible, every inch of your skin.

As you’re working on your physical arousal, work on your mental arousal as well. It helps to be relaxed to start, to be comfortable. You want as few distractions as possible from any thoughts and sensations that would try to steal your attention away from the pleasure you feel. Try to still your thoughts, and to focus only on what you’re experiencing.

Soft music can help, by drowning out background noise.

Pot or alcohol can help, but only in light amounts. You want just enough to help you relax, to calm your mind, and to maybe to heighten things a slight bit. Too much of either, and you’ll sabotage your own orgasm. With pot, there are highs where everything will feel fabulous, but you just won’t be able to come. With alcohol, you want to numb only your inhibitions, not your sensations.

Mood lighting might help as well, enough to calm you and help you feel sexy, but not enough to make you sleepy.

Slowly Increase Your Pleasure

Don’t rush things. Take your time. Romance yourself. Tease yourself until your body is moving toward your own touch, pushing back, eager for more. Stroke the places where it feels best, rewarding your body for its hunger.

But don’t try to sate it yet. Keep giving it just enough that it’s eager for more.

Keep your mind in a state where it’s only excited sexually, not anxiously or impatiently. Increase pressure in slight increments. Do the same with tempo. If you have a sex toy, such as a vibrator or a masturbation sleeve, you should be using it.

Expand Your Sensations

This may not be necessary. If you feel at this point like you might be able to come, work in that direction, but be patient. If you’re turned on, but you don’t feel like things are going to come to a climax, consider options to increase the number and kinds of sensations that you’re feeling. Remember, orgasm is about being overwhelmed in just the right way.

This is why many people get kinky: they’re trying to expand their sensations in order for their mind to be overwhelmed. Different things work for different people, but anal play works for most. Having a finger or an object teasing or penetrating your backdoor adds another layer of sensation in addition to anything you’re doing to your genitals and nipples. Again, don’t rush things.

Temperature play can be good as well. Some people like hot wax, some people like ice. Some people like both, alternatingly or concurrently. Temperature is another level of sensation, and a potential tool to increase arousal. Ice chills the body, condenses the flesh a bit as everything tightens up. Ice demands attention, putting nerve endings on full alert. Heat is warm, simulating the warmth of another person’s body or bodily fluids. Heat is relaxing. Heat can cause pain, at certain levels, and that can heighten awareness the same way that ice can.

Other things might help as well. You’ll have to experiment. Put something in your mouth, perhaps a dildo, and fantasize about it being something else. Or just put something in your mouth and bite down, like a bit-gag. Play with nipple clamps or clothespins (read up on what you’re doing first!), maybe do some light self-bondage.

The idea is to have multiple pleasurable sensations and thoughts occurring at the same time, too many for your mind to absorb all at once, so that your awareness will have to move from one sensation to the next to the next, or back and forth. You want your thoughts to pinball around between the things you’re experiencing, until you can’t take it any more.

Then you explode.

You don’t necessarily have to seek out this explosion; just keep seeking pleasure. When you get enough of it, your brain and your body will let you know.

It might take repeated attempts. Don’t get discouraged, don’t get down on yourself. You don’t have to climax this session, or even next session, and if you don’t, it doesn’t mean you’re any kind of failure. You’ll get there. It just sometimes takes practice.

How to Suck Your Own Cock

[Disclaimer: I’m going to leave it to your imagination to decide whether I’ve done this, whether I’m doing it right now as I type this, or whether I’ve simply researched the subject thoroughly in other ways.]


First and foremost, it helps like hell to have a long cock. Think about it. If you’re 5’4, and you have a 3’ cock, it’ll be easy as pie to reach your pie-hole with that beast. I mean, if it’s proportionate, you might not be able to fit your mouth around it… but you’ll sure as fuck be able to REACH. You can lick your own crown, tongue your pee-hole, whatever. You can make it work.

The longer your cock, the easier time you’ll have reaching it with your mouth.

For most guys, that alone won’t do the trick. For most of us, we’d need to use some special maneuvers.

One of the ways is to lie flat on your back, then to raise your legs up until they’re perpendicular to the ground, then to keep moving them forward until you’re resting mostly on your shoulders, and your waist is above your face. Open your mouth, pull your own hips forward, and try to carefully work that cock into your mouth. Don’t jerk when you pull, and don’t pull so hard that you strain/pull a muscle or damage your back.

This is something that you don’t want to cripple yourself over.

If you can get any part of it in your mouth at all, it might well be just the tip. That’s okay–use it. Suck on it, tease it with your tongue, and so forth. This should help you get longer and harder, and maybe get more of it into your mouth.

Again, don’t hurt yourself. I’d hate for anybody to try to sue me over this, and I don’t think that anybody would come out of the trial looking very good.

If that simply doesn’t do it for you, if you can’t get your own cock in your own mouth, then you’ll have to try something different.

Method #2 is to sit on a couch, with your hips as close to the edge of the couch as possible. You want to be perched on the frame, and then you want to curl forward and down to bring your mouth closer to the target. It helps if you’re dealing with a Hard target, so feel free to play with yourself and such. Just don’t use any funny-tasting lube.

Next, reach both arms down and grab the bottom of the couch. Pull yourself gently forward. Again, don’t jerk. Again, don’t hurt yourself. But pull yourself down cautiously and steadily. If necessary, use one arm to maintain the force needed to hold the position, and use one hand to position your cock closer to your mouth.

If nothing else, you should be able to lick the tip.

A large belly is a problem here, because it means you can’t curl up the right way. That’s why Ron Jeremy can’t suck his own dick anymore–his belly gets in the way. That’s a tragedy, because it was once his claim to fame, his signature trick. If that happens to you, the only thing to do is to lose weight and slim down.

Method #3 is similar to #2, but more horizontal. This time, you need to get into a bathtub (or similar structure), and put your knees over the side of the tub. Your spine should be perpendicular to the tub, sideways from how you normally (I presume) lie in a bathtub. If you have hot water in the tub, that might make things loosen up and make you more limber, but it also might make it harder to stay hard. Use your own judgment on that.

You want to again curl up. You want to have the backs of your thighs against the side of the tub, and you want to grab the outside of the tub with your hands, to pull yourself forward and down so that your mouth lines up with your goal. Again, this position is very much like #2.

If and when you get there, when you finally get your cock in your mouth, it probably won’t be all that satisfying. It’ll probably be a bit like tickling yourself–being on both ends of the sensation will mute the experience for you. But there are guys who come this way, and that’s another issue you’ll have to deal with. Do you want to come in your own mouth?

That’s something you might not know until the moment arrives.

If/when you get your cock in your mouth, it’s not going to be an ideal position. The upside of your tongue will be on the upside of your cock, not on the more sensitive underside. You’ll have to use your arms to do a lot of the work, pulling yourself forward and back, so you can fuck your own cock with your mouth (the head is going to be doing most of the movement in any of these positions). Sometimes it might help to pull the loose skin that covers your cock forward, to get more of it into your mouth, into the reach of your tongue.

If you succeed in all of this, you might not come the first time. You might have a back or neck ache. Again, be careful. With sufficient practice, though, and horniness you might well be able to finish this way, to come in your own mouth. You probably won’t like the taste, although that’s subject to the individual.

Needless to say, don’t worry about whether or not this makes you gay–it doesn’t, not any more than using your own hand to jack yourself off makes you gay. Homosexuality is all about what you do (and how you feel) about other people, not what you do to yourself. I hope by this point in history, men wouldn’t worry about that sort of thing, but I’m adding this disclaimer anyway: Sucking your own cock–even swallowing your own semen–does not make you gay in any way.

I mean, you’re still a filthy pervert, but that’s a separate issue.